Selfish
by Aymori Phoenix
Summary: If only he wasn't so selfish, then this wouldn't have ended this way for Grimmjow.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.  
>Note: I had accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter for the story. I'm sorry. Please do forgive me.<br>**

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><p>It had hurt. It really had hurt him- however, he didn't care. Taking the bloody needle, he placed at his wrist once more-<p>

Injecting it in, he didn't feel anything. It was okay, he would okay by the time Grimmjow came back home. He would be okay.

He wouldn't know.

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><p>Grimmjow had bought him a music box-<p>

He felt so happy. He felt so happy- he had Grimmjow to love him. He turned the screw on the side of the box, and he listened to the haunting lullaby.

A man and a woman, far away from each other, holding what seemed to be swords raised began to spin with the music box.

He felt so happy. He felt so happy.

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><p>He curled up, wanting that annoying voice in his head to go away-<p>

Grimmjow loved him, Grimmjow would never cheat on him. Go away, go away.

He once again took the needle, and he wasn't surprised or even moved at the fact that there was some pain.

He felt the drugs taking effect- and reaching over, he took the music box. He listened to the haunting lullaby within the music box-

He loved Grimmjow. He loved him so much. He loved him so very, very, very much.

_Go away. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me._

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><p>Grimmjow had come home once more, looking tired- and he spread his arms as an invitation to Grimmjow to hug him to relax.<p>

The man fell beside him and pulled him into a hug, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Have you been eating?" he said softly.

He didn't answer- but Ichigo smiled, and nodded.

Grimmjow ruffled his hair, and he liked him like this-

Tired, his fire gone, at least… at least when Grimmjow is like this, they won't argue.

"I love you."

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><p>His hands shook as he gripped the knife in his hand, holding the vegetables down on the cutting board as he prepared to cut them.<p>

His hand was shaking too much-

He was scared. He was nervous. Grimmjow hadn't come home.

He heard the knife hit and clump against the board- the carrot and cucumbers slicing up easily.

Then- he jerked forward, his pupils dilating and his mouth feeling dry- he was feeling withdrawal.

After quickly- quickly cutting the fruits and vegetables up and getting ready to make the chicken as he also placed it in the pot-

He immediately ran back to his room, moving around his room and throwing items around as he tried to find it. He nearly screamed.

He couldn't find any- he couldn't find any- oh God, he couldn't find any—

He went back down.

Grimmjow will be back soon- or he will be, he didn't need to panic him. He had gone on for so long-

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><p>He had found out- Grimmjow had found out and he was furious- absolutely angry. Ichigo felt ashamed.<p>

"WHAT THE FUCK ICHIGO! You've been taking drugs behind my back? Where the fuck did you get all of this! What the fuck!" Grimmjow yelled, and Ichigo just tried to huddle away.

"What the fuck made you—is it because of your fucking sisters? Is that it? Did you tell someone the story of your fucking life and they suggested fucking drugs to you? You have fucking amphetamines and cocaine-"

He felt ashamed.

Grimmjow finally calmed down, falling beside him and taking him into his arms.

"Why…?"

He didn't answer. He couldn't.

He cried.

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><p>His body began to hurt- his mouth felt dry again.<p>

He looked at Grimmjow who was sitting beside him, the man having begged for a day off.

Ichigo felt so ashamed. So very ashamed. "Do you still love me?" Ichigo croaked out, his tongue felt too dry- too painfully dry.

Grimmjow looked at him, still very much upset, but he didn't look like he hated him. He gave Ichigo a quick, chaste kiss before he closed his eyes.

"No. I want you to get better."

Ichigo rubbed at his eyes and he could only croak out the three words, feeling his withdrawal symptoms take over.

It hurt. It hurt.

Please, just let me have one more. Please.

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><p>It was raining heavily outside.<p>

Ichigo just wondered the streets out of their home- their home, their lovely home-

He was hurt. It hurt. He was hurt. It hurt.

He stopped in the middle of the road.

He couldn't hear anything- he heard a car, he heard a car; yes, a car. He heard a car. He looked towards it- and he felt like his mother.

He was going to die too. They were all going to die.

Only his father was left.

He closed his eyes, and waited for the impact.

He was suddenly shoved forward and when he opened his eyes- he saw a flash of blue.

It didn't take him long to figure out who it was.

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><p>The hospital was so lonely. This was his entire fault. If only- if only Grimmjow didn't find them.<p>

Taking the hand in his, he felt tears go down his face- it was his entire fault. It was his entire fault. It was his entire fault.

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a selfish person. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry!_

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><p>Six months, Six months had been wasted-<p>

He had just sat in this place, eating food from here and refusing to leave until Grimmjow was okay.

When the cyan eyes opened and they were on him- he saw not relief, but instead, exasperation.

"Diiihhhd… you stay heeereee… for me…?" Grimmjow croaked out, and he thought that he was going to cry once more.

He was okay. He was okay. He was okay.

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><p>He gripped the wheelchair- pushing it forward, and he felt tears stream down his face as he realized that if it weren't for him-<p>

Grimmjow would have still been able to walk if it weren't for him, he wouldn't have needed the wheelchair.

He felt a hand come unto his own- and he felt like his entire world was going to fall apart.

Grimmjow still loved him-

He still loved him, even after all the trouble that came to him.

He won't be able to walk anymore.

But… he still has him, they still had one another.

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><p>Work- he had to work from now on, and Grimmjow had to stay at home, and he was going to find a way to make money at him too.<p>

Ichigo felt terrible, but his first time at work in a long time- he hadn't seen anyone in such a long time.

Everyone was still here- and when they saw him, they were surprised but overjoyed.

He saw Renji come up- alongside Rukia and Kisuke, and they all seemed to nearly haul him off the ground.

Six months and he had gotten better.

He didn't feel the need that much anymore.

He was still ashamed- what had happened to Grimmjow was his fault.

It was because he was selfish.

However, this one time- he decided to close his mind, and just let his friends' overjoyed voices enter his mind.

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><p>It was… nice.<p>

Ichigo decided that it was nice to not depend on the drugs for once.

Leaning unto the tired and asleep Grimmjow due to his medication, Ichigo just simply gripped his hand, though he still blamed himself for what had happened.

He smiled.

His life was still hurting- but at least. At least he wasn't alone in his suffering.

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><p><strong>End<strong>


End file.
